Healing From Deep Wounds
My father was in the military. He was in and out of our home. More out than in. My mother was the rock in our family. She was always there. My dad left for 18 months, leaving my mother behind to take care of me and my sister. My mother didn’t work because his checks were enough to take care of us. One day my mother went to buy groceries and we didn’t have any money. My father decided to stop sending money home for his family. My mother was forced to find a job and work to take care of her family. That meant working double shifts. That also meant not being about to help us with homework or spend any time with us. My mother was gone all the time. One day my mother and I were having a conversation about something. She was exhausted but I didn’t mind. I was happy to spend a few moments with my mother. All of the sudden she collapsed onto the floor. I had no idea what was going on. For some reason, I walked into the kitchen, filled a cup with cold water and threw it at her face. She woke up and gave me a hug. She apologized. She was tired and wasn’t taking very good care of herself. I was angry. I was angry at my father for taking my mom away. I was angry at him for making her sick and tired. I was angry that he didn’t care or loved us. I didn’t realize that I’ve been carrying that anger all this time. I didn’t realize that I associated working, money, finance and success to my mother laying on the floor. Until now. Today I release the anger, fear and uncertainty that little Tessa felt that day. I’m sending healing Reiki energy to that exact moment. I’m sending love. I’m sending security. I’m sending certainty. I’m sending strength. I’m sending the apology I never received from my dad. I’m requesting a “time refund” for all the moments I missed with my mom. I’m sending everything I needed but never got at that moment. After my tears stopped I focused on my breath. Deep breaths in. Deep breaths out. It is now in the past.
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